Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML)

A lot of thought will be going into this blog. Not because I am trying to sort my thoughts but more I want my thoughts to come across the way they are meant too.
Let's Begin . . . a week ago last Friday I went to Kaiser to have a routine blood test done in the morning. When I got home I ate breakfast and prepared Breann for daycare. Jeff and I ran a few errands together, then went back home to pick-up Breann and clean the house for our open house we were having that weekend. I was on a roll on cleaning my house because I wanted to join my friend Sara and the junior highers at Parkcrest for a few hours while they were planning on having an all-nighter. Around 5:30pm my mother-n-law receives a phone call from her friends at work saying that Kaiser is trying to get a hold of me and it is very important that they do. At that time I looked at my cell phone which was in the other room and realized I had 2 missed calls from Kaiser. My phone rang again and I picked up and a doctor was on the line. To make a long story even longer. I had to go to the E.R. and have my blood drawn again for another work-up. The doctor came in and basically told me they think I have leukemia and want to observe me overnight. Well, that overnight turned into a couple of nights at the hospital while I had tests performed on me. The worst being the bone marrow test.
Many people asked how I am doing, how I am feeling, what do I think of the whole situation, I even have people who are mad that this is happening to me. Yet for me, I am not mad or upset that I have leukemia. I think to myself, "OK . . . I have leukemia what are my options and what is the best thing for me to do." I am lucky that I could rely on my family and friends around me for support and comfort but nothing could have prepared me for the option I was going to have to take at this time. The funny thing is this option is a miracle plan for people like me and I can live a long and happy life with one exception . . . the chances of having another child is slim to none.
Now many of you don't know but Jeff and I were planning on having another baby next year. With the intentions that other things fall into place and Jeff finds a job. Well earlier in the week Jeff found a job and we both could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was becoming more and more excited to the idea of being pregnant again and Breann having a sibling. Finding out that pregnancy was not an option was the worse news of all to me. Other people thought that was more like a side note and I can't blame them, my health is more important to them then another child in the world. Yet to me and my selfish needs I wanted another child, I wanted to go through the experience of being pregnant, I want to sing to my belly and tell Breann that her baby brother or sister is in my belly. I had several moments where I would break down and cry and pray to God that he would find away around this. No answer yet but I am willing to wait. I really have to thank Jeff because he is looking into all the possibilities for me to have a normal life and the chance of having another baby. He is also working hard with the World Financial Group in starting his own finance business so if I am unable to work at any point our family wouldn't have to worry about what is going to happen next with the house, car or whatever. He even started a donation fund to help pay for the medical bills that insurance won't pay for and to make sure I can get the best care there is. Well this blog has been an emotional one and I still have more I would like to reflect on but I think it is time to take a break and rest for a while. I will save the rest for another day.
Keep Smiling.