5 Years . . . .

5 Years . . . . . As of May 21st, 2015 it will be 5 years since I was diagnosed with leukemia. Looking back and reflecting on what has happened and the changes that were made in my life as well as my family I realize there is more. Not more in the sense of searching for who I am and how this will define me but more in the sense of opening up on who I become and letting loose the inner me that went hiding. You see the summer I was diagnosed I went through a lot of changes not just physically but mentally. I had to reject or turn away many activities and events that I wanted to accomplish and that was the summer I was going to do it. With that I shut down and turn my focus on building my business but also I didn’t want to talk about a lot of stuff that I was dwelling on. That winter everything I was hiding or trying to avoid came roaring out and I turned to a depressive state. I lost control. For most of my life I worked hard to stay in control of the things I know I can control but when January came I found myself going down a path with a hell of a lot of bumps and no brakes on my bike. I knew it was bad when my husband tells me to call the psychiatrist and make an appointment. I knew when I hit rock bottom. Most people experience worse but it is definitely a moment I personally never want to see or feel again. I only saw the psychiatrist once a month for 3 months but my road to recovery was much longer personally. I had to get over personal challenges like people wanting and having more kids and I can’t. Understanding the changes I have to go through physically and preparing them each time it happens throughout the month. Having to explain to Breann the reasons why mommy was tired and needs to rest when she wanted to play. But most of all was finding the person I once was before all this happened. I wasn’t going to let cancer define me but at that moment I was being dragged down. There were a few things that got me through this hard time. First and foremost was my husband. His words of wisdom and encouragement through this cannot be matched by any other man. He was patient with me in all my ups and downs. He knew my struggle and lifted me up when I needed it the most. God has certainly brought him to me and I can’t thank Him enough. My family, parents and sisters, the moment I was admitted to the hospital they were there ready and waiting to help in any way they could. They stayed with me when Jeff couldn’t be there and always knew how to make me laugh. After that was the outpouring love from my friends. The little gestures that went a long way to healing my heart. Lastly, the positive atmosphere from my business. Any other place would have just said get back to work and actually my job did but not the people at World Financial Group. The excitement that they brought every time I saw them is something you will NOT find at any other workplace no matter how much you love your career. I am going to end this with the final thought that I would not be here if it wasn’t for my God. I have to admit that I was mad at him for a while but like a father and child I never stopped loving him. Looking back He gave me a second chance. I have recovered from this disease faster than most people who were diagnosed. I don’t have a lot of the symptoms that most people get when they go through treatment. I only had to stay in the hospital for 4 days instead of 4 weeks. My God has given me a second chance . . . a second chance to be a better mom, a better wife, a better person for God and a person who is going to change the world. Thank you and Happy 5th Anniversary.