Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML)

A lot of thought will be going into this blog. Not because I am trying to sort my thoughts but more I want my thoughts to come across the way they are meant too.
Let's Begin . . . a week ago last Friday I went to Kaiser to have a routine blood test done in the morning. When I got home I ate breakfast and prepared Breann for daycare. Jeff and I ran a few errands together, then went back home to pick-up Breann and clean the house for our open house we were having that weekend. I was on a roll on cleaning my house because I wanted to join my friend Sara and the junior highers at Parkcrest for a few hours while they were planning on having an all-nighter. Around 5:30pm my mother-n-law receives a phone call from her friends at work saying that Kaiser is trying to get a hold of me and it is very important that they do. At that time I looked at my cell phone which was in the other room and realized I had 2 missed calls from Kaiser. My phone rang again and I picked up and a doctor was on the line. To make a long story even longer. I had to go to the E.R. and have my blood drawn again for another work-up. The doctor came in and basically told me they think I have leukemia and want to observe me overnight. Well, that overnight turned into a couple of nights at the hospital while I had tests performed on me. The worst being the bone marrow test.
Many people asked how I am doing, how I am feeling, what do I think of the whole situation, I even have people who are mad that this is happening to me. Yet for me, I am not mad or upset that I have leukemia. I think to myself, "OK . . . I have leukemia what are my options and what is the best thing for me to do." I am lucky that I could rely on my family and friends around me for support and comfort but nothing could have prepared me for the option I was going to have to take at this time. The funny thing is this option is a miracle plan for people like me and I can live a long and happy life with one exception . . . the chances of having another child is slim to none.
Now many of you don't know but Jeff and I were planning on having another baby next year. With the intentions that other things fall into place and Jeff finds a job. Well earlier in the week Jeff found a job and we both could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was becoming more and more excited to the idea of being pregnant again and Breann having a sibling. Finding out that pregnancy was not an option was the worse news of all to me. Other people thought that was more like a side note and I can't blame them, my health is more important to them then another child in the world. Yet to me and my selfish needs I wanted another child, I wanted to go through the experience of being pregnant, I want to sing to my belly and tell Breann that her baby brother or sister is in my belly. I had several moments where I would break down and cry and pray to God that he would find away around this. No answer yet but I am willing to wait. I really have to thank Jeff because he is looking into all the possibilities for me to have a normal life and the chance of having another baby. He is also working hard with the World Financial Group in starting his own finance business so if I am unable to work at any point our family wouldn't have to worry about what is going to happen next with the house, car or whatever. He even started a donation fund to help pay for the medical bills that insurance won't pay for and to make sure I can get the best care there is. Well this blog has been an emotional one and I still have more I would like to reflect on but I think it is time to take a break and rest for a while. I will save the rest for another day.
Keep Smiling.

It has been a while . . .

Yes . . . It has been a while since I have posted a blog and it just seems to become harder to find the time. Between working, giving my full attention to Breann, making sure I socialize and sleeping I don't seem to have time to just sit. But enough about me I need to let you know how Breann is doing. In a few weeks she will be a 2 year old and boy is she taking full advantage of the terribleness that comes with it. Each day is a gamble on whether or not she will be in a good mood when I get home. Just the other day I was driving with her and she was talking to herself when all of a sudden she started to scream and yell for Mickey Mouse. I was no where near Disneyland for her to think that. Crazy moments with a drama queen child . . . she must get that from Jeff. Just Kidding. So our hands our full at this time and hopefully Jeff and I will keep our sanity through it all. Have a nice day everyone.

Jennie

Advent Conspiracy

So this Christmas I wasn't sure what I should give people as a gift. Jeff still being out of work made money really tight this year. I was really worried and it wasn't until I went to church and they introduced The Advent Conspiracy and the first topic was spend less, give more. I thought, "Perfect!" and the message brought wonderful ideas to a family that is tight on cash. Also Jeff and I wanted to break away from all the commercialism that was surrounding Christmas. First our small group decided to pitch-in and buy a goat for a family in another country. (Sorry I can't seem to remember what country it was).

Another suggestion was give time with each other. Your presence is a good present. So I was trying to think of what I could do with my family that would be a good way of spending time together. I got crafty and made coupons that were specified to each person and each one was either a way I could spend time with them or do something for them, like clean the house or wash the car. The next thing was I bought some wood photo frames and one night we all sat down to paint them. The trick was I said that in order to receive the picture for the frame we all had to paint them together. My family had a great time painting and we all had a blast enjoying each others presence. So here are a few pictures of us painting and the finish products of the frames.

More will be up soon!!

Family Vacation to Florida

OK so we are back from Florida. For those of you who haven't heard Jeff, Kelli, Lexi, Breann and I went to Florida to see the space shuttle launch and check out Walt Disney World. We had an incredible time and it was a much need vacation for both families. I have a lot of pictures that I would like to post and will do so once I have time. I had to go to work as soon as I got back from vacation. Anyways the cool stuff. . . we went to all fours parks and stayed in one of the local Disney resort hotels. We saw a lot of cool Disney resort stuff but couldn't help ourselves to compare it to Disneyland. We skipped some of the stuff that we knew we could do here at Disneyland and wished that they would bring some of the rides from Disney World to the land. Our favorite rides were Mt. Everest and Rockin' Roller Coaster. Tower of terror is much better at Disney World. We all agreed that Disney World could do so much more with what they had and they are not taking advantage of the potential that is there. Also the World needs to be more aware of the safety aspect at their parks. I know I won't be hit by a tram at Disneyland unless I was really, really not paying attention. But I loved how each park was decorated for the holidays.

Jeff and I participated in a few shows and if I can get the video from my sister I will post it. Our favorite moment was watching the space shuttle Atlantis launch from the space center. Jeff and I had tears in our eyes and shivers in our bones. Breann was asleep the whole time and that is OK because she needed to sleep since we all woke up at 4am that morning to drive there. I was surprised on all the activities they had available for us to do while we waited for the space shuttle to launch. The center had a lot of history for us to read up on and I learned more there then the history channel has ever given on the subject. The center went more in depth in each mission and I hope that my niece learned a great deal about space. I wished we were able to do more stuff outside of the resort and the shuttle launch but there really wasn't enough time and not to mention I lost the directions to the places I wanted to look at. Oh well, I was still able to go to another state and do stuff that was on my bucket list.

Painful Week

Well in the words of a friend of mine, "this is a painful week". This past week was a painful week because it seemed like massive lay-offs everywhere. In the beginning of the week my church had to let go 6 of their staff members. If that wasn't hard to hear on Friday Jeff was let go from his job. Everyone has been very supportive and many have asked me how I am doing. I have to say I started out numb, I really didn't know how to feel. The emotion didn't hit me until I saw Jeff walking up the stairs carrying his box of stuff. I got a little emotional and we both had a family moment. After ten minutes Jeff and I took a deep breath and I have to say I was thinking that I would need to encourage him to start looking for a job right away. Well I under estimated him because the first words out of his mouth were, "I need to make a few phone calls to people I know who can help me find a job." That brought relief knowing that he was already a step ahead of me. I have to say what I felt after that was kind of surreal. I didn't have any anxiety, not really stressing out either, I kind of had a sense of calm and comfort and I still have it. Now I am sure once we have to pay bills and money is tight I will feel reality sink in but in the mean time I am going to take this comfort God gave me and try to benefit from it.

Now I am going to try and pick-up extra hours at work and support Jeff in what needs to be done but I am kind of excited on wondering what is next in our life. Jeff did ask if I would mind moving, I thought about it for a moment and told him no, I wouldn't mind because we talked about it a week before that we felt a little trapped in our situation and that if the opportunity came along we wouldn't mind having a change. We thought it would be later than sooner.

Also, some people have been asking if we are still going on our family vacation to Florida and as of this moment yes. The flight and hotel is paid for and we were already saving for food and a rental car when we get out there. That might change in the next few weeks so I will keep everyone up dated on what we finally decide. Thank you again for all of your support.

i wuv oh

Breann has all of a sudden decided to talk to us . . . well she has decided to talk to us in her own language and Jeff and I look at her with a face of confusion. She doesn't care she keeps jabbering on, pointing at things and it seems like everything is mi-mi when she wants it. When you ask her to say something of course the words have her little baby accent and some words we realize that maybe we should wait until she is a little older to say so she can pronounce them better. In the mean time the i wuv oh's and the mommy's are melting our hearts and we can't help but laugh at her when she tries something new or gives us a pouty look. Jeff and I need to work on our poker faces. My favorite thing right now is when I am sitting on the couch and she climbs up and sits next to me. She will also read a book if I am reading. Makes me think I need to make sure that I don't do anything stupid in front of her.